| SUMMARY |
The “I'm Second Rule” is a way of living that emphasizes putting others ahead of oneself. It focuses on prioritizing relationships, confronting conflict, and putting yourself in the shoes of others whenever possible. The Rule is based on the belief that if you put the needs of others before your own, you will ultimately benefit by having stronger relationships and a more fulfilling life.
The “I'm Second Rule” is rooted in the idea of humility. It encourages individuals to be respectful of others, acknowledge their needs and preferences, and make sure that their own desires and needs are secondary. This helps to promote healthy relationships, both on a personal and professional level. It also encourages people to confront conflict in a respectful yet firm manner and to try to understand the other person's point of view.
The “I'm Second Rule” encourages individuals to take the time to build meaningful relationships. Focusing on the needs of others and taking the time to get to know them can create a strong bond between people. It also emphasizes the importance of communication, allowing individuals to express their thoughts and feelings in an honest and open manner.
The “I'm Second Rule” supports the idea of self-sacrifice. It encourages individuals to put others first, even if it means sacrificing their own desires or needs in order to accommodate them. This helps to create an environment of selflessness, which is essential for any healthy relationship.
In summary, the “I'm Second Rule” is all about putting the needs of others before your own. It encourages individuals to be humble, respectful, and communicative in their relationships. It also emphasizes the importance of self-sacrifice, as it can help to create a more harmonious environment. Ultimately, the “I'm Second Rule” is an essential element of creating healthy relationships and a more fulfilling life.
| Questions Answered In This Article |
What Is the Purpose of An Attorney’s Job?
The purpose of an attorney’s job is to help people interpret and solve their problems.What Does Stephen Covey Mean By “Empathetic Listening”?
Stephen Covey’s definition of “empathetic listening” is to listen with the intent to understand and to seek first to understand - looking out through another person’s frame of reference, understanding their paradigm and how they feel.What Is the Most Important Thing an Attorney Should Be Concerned About?
The most important thing an attorney should be concerned about is their employer or client’s best interests rather than their own needs.How Can an Attorney Improve Their Professional Life?
An attorney can improve their professional life by getting on their employer’s side, prioritizing their best interests, and demonstrating empathetic listening. This will help build trust between them and their employer or client, resulting in more work being offered to the attorney.What Is the Main Message in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People?
The main message in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is to prioritize understanding and empathizing with others rather than focusing on one’s own needs. This will help build trust and foster better relationships.An attorney's job is to solve the problems of others. Attorneys are hired to be advisors and problems solvers. One of the most notable aspects of many of the people who become attorneys is that they are hardly aware of why their jobs exist. These attorneys believe that the law exists to serve them. In their minds, the law exists to give them feelings of superiority, income and respectability in society.
This article examines the importance of focusing on the needs of others in your professional life. Whether you are an attorney, legal secretary, paralegal-or even if you are in another profession outside of the law entirely-you will be far more successful if you focus on the needs of others. Your work will also be far more fulfilling.
One thing that I have noticed in my many years of dealing with lawyers, both as a lawyer and as a recruiter, is that when you stop thinking about yourself in your work and concentrate on the needs of others, you will begin to do well. I have seen this rule repeat itself over and over again and this rule, I believe, is one of the largest keys to success. I call this the "I'm Second Rule". The I'm Second Rule is built on the realization that when it comes to work, our own interests should be secondary. The interests of our employer and the clients we work for should always be at the top of the list.
A. How I Learned The I'm Second Rule
We all can name a few experiences that have had a profound effect on our lives. One of my personal experiences was in my work as an asphalt contractor. This is where I learned the I'm Second Rule.
When I was in high school, I started an asphalt business, paving the driveways of homeowners in the Detroit area (where I am from). The work was absolutely grueling and was so difficult that very few people in the entire area would even attempt to do it. This was not the sort of work anyone wanted to do and, because of that, it paid very handsomely.
I started this business because I wanted to make money for college. I worked at this business for about two months, including four weeks of the summer. While there are many entertaining stories I could tell, to make a long story short-after several weeks of doing this business I lost a great deal of money, had done very poor work and had failed. Miserably. There were a lot of people that were upset with me for my shoddy work. When I did my job the only thing I thought about was making money and finishing my work. The customer was certainly not my top priority. I was.
Because I absolutely had to make money for college, I became a garbage man for $5.00 an hour and worked from 5:00 am to 4:00 pm on Monday through Friday. I did this throughout most of the summer. It was not a fun job and the people I worked with left a lot to be desired. One day, the driver of the truck I was riding on the back of was pulled over by the police and arrested for assaulting a woman the evening before. I was then delegated to another truck and the driver of this truck told me that if I was not careful, he would "cut me up."
Even though I had basically quit the asphalt business, the phone in my home still rang constantly with complaints about my shoddy asphalt workmanship and demands that I come and fix the work. Towards the end of the summer, I had saved just over $1,000 and went to a hardware store to buy supplies in order to fix one of the jobs I had botched. I did not have to fix the job because I had already been paid, but I believed it was important to ensure that I fixed every job that I messed up before I went off to college.
As I was buying supplies, I noticed an older man asking a hardware store clerk questions about various asphalt products. The clerk did not know the answers, but I did. I approached the man and began answering his questions. I was surprised how much I knew about asphalt and I must have answered his questions for over an hour. Despite the fact that I was not a talented asphalt contractor, I did know quite a bit about asphalt!
This man owned a large apartment complex and was planning on having his maintenance man do a large resurfacing project on the complex. In our conversation, I told him how much he should be paying for the work, the best material to buy, how to apply it and how to ensure that his maintenance man did a good job. At the end of the conversation, the man asked me if I would go and look at his apartment complex to provide him with more tips.
Not even thinking about the money (I was actually interested in the PROCESS-and helping this man), I went and looked at the complex and then called the man and told him everything I recommended he do with this particular asphalt. The man then asked me for my phone number in case he had any questions. I hung up the phone feeling good that I had assisted the man with his questions. Throughout my whole exchange with this man, I never expected anything in return.
A day or two later the phone in my house rang again. I was not in the habit of answering the phone because I was always afraid it would be another complaint! My mother answered the phone and told me it was the man from the hardware store. He wanted me to do the work on the apartment complex for him! I could not believe it. He said something to the effect of:
"You care about the work. You will look out for me. I want you to do this because I know you will do a better job than anyone else I could ever find." To make a long story short, I made over $3000.00 in just over two days doing this job. And the job turned out perfectly! I also did a great deal of work for this man again over the years.
I took a lot from this lesson. Two summers later, I was only twenty years old and I am confident I did more driveway resurfacing than any other contractor in Michigan. I did this work throughout college, law school and even after law school! I loved the work! I owed all of this success, I believe, to the realization that in business you can never concentrate on yourself. Today I literally owe my home and much of my current motivation to that one lesson in selflessness-and caring about your work---that the man in the hardware store unknowingly taught me.
B. Why So Few Legal Professionals Follow The I'm Second Rule
Instead of following the I'm Second Rule, a great majority of attorneys out there are stuck following the I'm First Rule. You too may follow the I'm First Rule., which will lead you to believe that the work you do is simply to take care of your own needs. This belief will be something that is quickly picked up by others-whether they are your employer, or your client. In addition, you will be less effective in your work.
This sort of attitude is engendered in attorneys because of the values our society promotes. In the Western world, many people feel that success means having their sensory and material wants satisfied. This sort of attitude is constantly reinforced and strengthened through a barrage of advertisements and messages sent out by our society that success and happiness translates into having many possessions. Many attorneys may therefore believe that their success as an attorney has to do with their level of economic accomplishment in the profession. Any yet, even when they do get these possessions, these same attorneys usually want more possessions, and therefore remain quite tormented and still do not truly enjoy their work.
Under many Eastern philosophies, satisfaction and consciousness comes from a different foundation. Material possessions are considered empty and meaningless unless they are accompanied by an attitude that does not connect their existence with your happiness. If you have a comfortable life and many possessions, you will enjoy them, but these things should not be viewed as something that will ultimately bring you peace of mind and happiness. Peace of mind can only come if you are freed from emotionally upsetting states. All emotions are ego centered:
- In the ego-centered state, tensions or anxiety results in discomfort and distress. To alleviate that distress, we look for relief through distraction. Distraction does give us temporary relief, but it does nothing to free us from the discomfort which will return when another situation distresses us. As we toss about in this ocean of experience with its waves of ego-centered activity, we experience repeated periods of anguish, followed by periods of temporary relief.
Ellen Kei Hua, Wisdom from the East, p, 10, 1974 (Farout Press)
The fact of the matter is that the reason the job of an attorney exists is because people have problems and need other people to interpret and help them solve these problems. If you are working for a large law firm or corporation, the reason your job exists is because other attorneys in your firm have work they need done and they need someone to help them with it. The job does not exist because you have a divine right to earn $100,000+ per year. Nor does the job exist because you have something to prove to the world by being an attorney. The only reason the job exists is because you are presumed to have the skills, experience and training to solve these problems that other people have.
C. Conclusions
Imagine you are an employer looking to hire an attorney. Whom would you want to be helping you? Would you want someone who is most concerned about their own needs, or someone who is most concerned about your own?
In his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey talks about "empathetic listening":
- When I say empathetic listening, I mean listening with intent to understand. I mean seeking first to understand, to really understand. It's an entirely different paradigm.
Empathetic (from empathy) listening gets you inside another person's frame of reference. You look out through it, you see the world the way they see the world, you understand their paradigm, you understand how they feel.
When your employer or client knows and senses that your priority is to satisfy their best interests and that you are empathetic, they'll trust you more and want to give you more work to do. They'll also want to help you, too. Get on your employer's side and away from your own. As soon as you recognize that you are second-or embrace this rule even more — your professional life will improve.
